Do you have a hitch in telling your boyfriend about your past relationship? Or, do you consider it as an important part to be disclosed within you both, so as to lead a healthy & secure future?
According to my personal experience in this case, honesty is the best policy in any relationship & following this Guru Mantra could be the best way to build a strong future relationship. But like I said – “it could be!”
It will depend on the way your partner thinks about it or how he digests it!
A very Close Friend (a Girl) of mine shares her story to help me put the similar situation in front of you:
“I came in relationship with my new boyfriend in few days of friendship only. Within a month or two of knowing his polite & understanding nature, I told him that I had a past relationship. He was like Okay! He saw that I was afraid telling him all this as he might shout or breakup but then, he came close to me, hold my hand and said – you can share everything with me as your friend!
I got some mental support and then told him how close we were, & how I still talk to him once in a week only if he wants me to..!!
Then I was taken aback by his simplicity and the level of understanding for what he said next!! He said ‘Babie, I have nothing to do with your past as I am with you right now at this moment. I am concerned with your present and future, not with who was you in your past, okay!
Moreover, I think I am no one to comment or judge you on the basis of your past relationship. I was not there in your life that time, so how can I scold or fight with you for the time that does not belong to me? And about the thing that you still interact with him, I would say that just frankly share everything whatever he says to you so that I guide you like your caring friend and be there with you as your responsible boyfriend! This way, I would slowly help you throw him out of your mind completely.’
Truly speaking, these words of him gave me courage to wash off my past relationship & now, it has been more 3 years of our pure and trustworthy relationship. ”
Friends! You have to accept the truth that everyone has a past. They might have been good or bad, but your past relationship must be in front of your boyfriend. Look for the right moment, & share your past love life with him. It’s not necessary that you give him the deepest details of the physical closeness with your ex, but at least your boyfriend should have a sound knowledge about what you guys have been up to! (Read: 7 Secrets to Spice Up Your Long Distance Love Relationship)
It is our past experiences which made us what we are today, & hence being clear will prove your honesty and love towards your secured future relations. Talking about our past relationships helps your partner know how true and serious you are about your future with him. Moreover, before you enter into a new relationship completely, you must develop the habit to share anything with your darling boyfriend freely as a friend.
One of the best tips for a healthy relationship is that do not bluff with your boyfriend in such cases. An expert relationship counsellor says that every successful & healthy relationship is purely based on three pillars – Honesty, Transparency & Fundamentals. (Read: 4 Things to Change in Yourself for a Healthy Relationship)
If you keep things shared with your boyfriend, then in case of anyone blackmailing you will not be a matter of worry for you. Plus, the bonding between you two will grow strong and confident.
Nourish your relationship with your partner by telling him these key things about your past relationship & I am you sure you two will make out the best example to the world!
1. Focus On Timing Before Starting The Discussion
Timing is an important thing to focus on. Everytime you can’t start the topic of your ex with your current boyfriend. First, make the friendly environment & then start moving slowly instead of jumping on the sensitive topics. It will make him feel comfortable to hear your conversation. (Read: 7 Romantic Ideas for Her | Healthy Relationship Tips)
If you are dating for the 1st time, skip the discussion of your past relationship. Slowly & gradually when it seems that your understanding level and the relation is growing up, you can explain your partner in the form of small stories. After turning your present relation into a healthy relationship, you’ll feel light to share your past as you know how to handle your boyfriend’s mood. (Read: 7 Romantic Ideas for Him | Healthy Relationship Tips)
2. Must Tell How Long You Were In Relationship
As soon as you come in the relationship with another guy, you must tell him about your past. Trust & loyalty are the major things that maintain the healthy relationship. Your boyfriend won’t know until you tell him about your past relationship. If you are more than a month in a relationship with your ex, then you must mention it to your current boyfriend. Relationship time clear out the intimacy of the relationship. (Read: 7 Tips to Stop Fights | Healthy Relationship Advice)
3. How Close You Were With Your Ex
When it comes to the closeness, it is the thing that hurt the most. No partner wants to hear that you were close to anyone else in your past. But hiding this truth from your boyfriend can lead to breakup or misunderstandings in future. You don’t need to open the whole book of your intimate life, just let him know roughly.
4. Why You Broke Up
Your boyfriend should know the reasons of your breakup with your past relationship. It is because your past shaped you what you are right now. It will help you both to avoid the same mistakes in your present relationship. If your boyfriend wants to be with you forever, he will surely learn your behaviour from your past incidents & will try to avoid the reasons of fights & misunderstandings. (Read: Best Friends Forever – 7 Great Ways to Build Friendship)
5. Tell Him All The Basic Details OF Your Past Relations
Let your boyfriend know all the basic details of your past relationship. Tell him the name of your boyfriend. He might want to trail on the social sites. Inform him about the places you visited with your ex, what all you both did, how was your chemistry, how you met him and what are the things that lead to fights between you both. Your boyfriend might not be interested in listening all the little details of your past relation but he surely want to know the major things.
6. Keep Him Informed About Your Present Scene with Your Ex
For a healthy relationship, you should tell your boyfriend about the memories you had with him or still have. Try to erase the memories of your past relationship as it will lead to power off your current relation. Sometimes if you miss your ex, you can share it with your man as friends. It will bring you more close to him and make you feel light.
Stop having the conversation with your ex, as he can make you remind of the good times you had with him and can pressurize you emotionally. If you have the pics of your past relation, dump them so that you don’t get the feelings for him whenever you look them.
7. How Serious You Were
This is something your present boyfriend should know. Were you planning to marry your ex or just having time pass? Or you were in a serious relationship with him and he was just taking you as a friend or might be using you. Share everything about your feelings for him with your boyfriend. (Read: Quick Tips to Avoid Misunderstandings)
Share everything about your feelings for him with your boyfriend. Tell him the way he use to treat you. He must know the reasons about the uneasiness between you both so that he can turn the negative points into a healthy relationship.
Categorised in: Relationship